Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Its been a while...what I'm feeling now

So i'm 22, a very recent college grad and I have yet to commit to anything I think I've gained 20 pounds in the past couple of months and invested quite a bit of money in a weightloss plan that I don't even try to do. I woke up this morning with some mild chest pain and laid awake thinkgin to myself what the hell is going on. there is no reason that I should be this young and weigh this much. I started researching weightloss supplements and they cost more than the weightloss program I already invested in. But "they work". Yea so after looking at my bank account and realizing I probably shouldn't invest any more money until I a least commit to the program I started I found myself here. I'm scared and I feel alone. I'm sure my roommate and best friend would help me through all of this even go as far as doing the whole program with me but I don't know if she fully understands how I feel. I could tell her all day long, which I don't because I think it makes her mad when I say I feel bad about my weight and am doing nothing to help the situation, but I think her having never been in over weight she can only go off of what I tell her and she can't fully feel what I'm feeling. Simply put my actions emotions and feelings are all over the place and i'm not sure which one to go with so it just leaves me doing nothing and huge.

So today I choose to love myself and love life. At this rate I won't be having a long life and that makes me extremely sad. I'm going to try to put aside every doubt in my mind and believe in myself for the first time. Granted I have to take it one day at a time and I know its going to be hard but it's a start. Everyone has to start somewhere so here is day 1.

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