The Path to Fabulousness...

Its a long and hard road to being self confident and secure. I love fashion but often find myself depressed when shopping because there are so many things that I wish I could buy/fit. I'm an avid believer in dressing for your size but why is everything my size not as cute as skinny people's clothes. UGH!

I have this recurring feeling that I need a makeover. I need to refresh my style and start loving the skin I'm in no matter what size it is. It is possible to be big and Fabulous but it ain't easy and it takes a lot of work. However, it is a journey I am willing to take. While when I say makeover people are probably thinking that I'm going to slap on some makeup and a new outfit and call it a day. Truth is I want to makeover my life and maybe my wardrobe too in the process.

I heard someone say that every journey begins with one step so......

Step 1: Clean up my life and remove all unnecessary stress.

I literally mean clean up. My living space is a mess and its hard to find peace when you have chaos around you. There is no reason for me to keep any thing that haven't unpacked from my move a year ago. No reason for my clothes to be all over the room when I have a laundry basket. No reason for me to keep all the jeans I can't fit hoping that I will one day get back into them. That is just too much pressure and if I ever do get back to that size I can treat myself by buying new jeans.

I think that some stress is totally avoidable. I can't stress about a deadline if I don't procrastinate. I can't stress about my weight if I eat right and exercise. I can't stress about money if I use it wisely. I can't stress about arguing with a friend because if we argue that much maybe we shouldn't be friends. I've found that no one can stress me out quite like I can, so I think it's time that I reevaluate the things that cause stress in my life and remove what I can.

Welp!

Story of the Day:

I woke up this morning and once again forced myself to put on a swimsuit (which is a little tiny now since I accidentally threw it into the dryer) and go swim some laps again. I grab my towel and hit the door with out a second thought. I step outside my apartment and see two workers across the hall staring at me very oddly. I'm thinking..."Damn, I know the swimsuit is tight! No need to stare Rudeness!" Anywho I brush that off and hit the stairs to go to the pool...there is a window in the staircase and I look outside and see that it's raining. I never thought to look out the window before I left the apartment...............I see why the workers were staring at me crazy!
Needless to say I didn't work out today but I also haven't pigged out either. Did enough of that last night.....long story but a late night run to QT is a bad idea if your trying to get healthy and make better eating decisions.


So today I applied for 5 jobs and got a really good contact for another one. Not sure if they are hiring but I'm excited to email this lady. That is about all of the excitement for the day. Spent most of the day reading fashion blogs, which now gave me a really huge itch to shop though I know I'll never be able to find the clothes they have on. (mostly because they came from plus size designers in Europe) But I feel inspired to change my look. I'm entering a new stage in my life and finding my way; why not change my look up a bit? Think I'll go for it...It will be apart of loving the New Me!

Day 2...eek

So I woke up this morning and forced myself to get up and exercise...not feeling the hard core circuit training I was supposed to be doing on this plan...I decided to go swim some laps. I thought hey I like water, not the best swimmer but people say its a good way to burn calories. I also figured my bad swimming form would help me burn more calories. (just a theory) I actually enjoyed it, not having to wash my hair afterwards but hey guess it was kinda worth it.

Following my swimming escapade I figured it was time to do the unthinkable....and get on the scale. So I stripped off all of my clothes I definitely didn't need the extra weight on me...OMG! all I have to say!...there is definitely a reason i why none of my clothes fit....anywho...I haven't gained weight since I last quite my weight loss program so I guess I'm grateful for that.

Decided to put on a new outfit to make myself feel cute today....I wore my flower romper I found at Torrid on sale I paired it with my maroon belt form old navy...which succeed to make me feel cute (not the best picture below but trust me I looked cute) until I realized I had no where to go and wasted a good outfit. Guess I thought maybe I'd run into the man who would want nothing more but to marry me and pay my bills. Needless to say that didn't happen so mission for tomorrow...look for a JOB!

Its been a while...what I'm feeling now

So i'm 22, a very recent college grad and I have yet to commit to anything I think I've gained 20 pounds in the past couple of months and invested quite a bit of money in a weightloss plan that I don't even try to do. I woke up this morning with some mild chest pain and laid awake thinkgin to myself what the hell is going on. there is no reason that I should be this young and weigh this much. I started researching weightloss supplements and they cost more than the weightloss program I already invested in. But "they work". Yea so after looking at my bank account and realizing I probably shouldn't invest any more money until I a least commit to the program I started I found myself here. I'm scared and I feel alone. I'm sure my roommate and best friend would help me through all of this even go as far as doing the whole program with me but I don't know if she fully understands how I feel. I could tell her all day long, which I don't because I think it makes her mad when I say I feel bad about my weight and am doing nothing to help the situation, but I think her having never been in over weight she can only go off of what I tell her and she can't fully feel what I'm feeling. Simply put my actions emotions and feelings are all over the place and i'm not sure which one to go with so it just leaves me doing nothing and huge.

So today I choose to love myself and love life. At this rate I won't be having a long life and that makes me extremely sad. I'm going to try to put aside every doubt in my mind and believe in myself for the first time. Granted I have to take it one day at a time and I know its going to be hard but it's a start. Everyone has to start somewhere so here is day 1.

What's next!

I'm 22 about to graduate from college and now I have to be a grown up! Hmmm...yea, don't think I'm ready for this. I'm all over the place and not sure if I even know what I want to do. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. All I know is that I love fashion, cooking, and most importly the wonderful people God put in my life. We'll see where that will take me.

I think that this blog will be a mix of everything...which is only fitting because I'm a really random person.